Heartbreak can be incredibly difficult to bear. The end of a relationship can leave us feeling lost and devastated, wondering if we will ever find happiness again. I remember the knot in my stomach when my two-year relationship came to an abrupt end. The pain was compounded by the fact that my ex-partner wanted to remain friends, leaving me in a constant state of emotional turmoil.
The Illusion of “Just Friends”
As I tried to move forward, I realized that being “just friends” was hindering my healing process. I was constantly hoping for a reunion instead of living in the present. Summoning all my courage, I asked my ex to cease all communication. It was a difficult step, but it led me to seek solace and guidance in the Bible.
I turned to the Psalms, finding comfort in their soothing words. They reminded me that even in the midst of heartache, God is near to the brokenhearted and delivers them from afflictions:
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18-19)
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:5-6)
Furthermore, the promise of Psalm 84:11 reassured me that God would not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly. Holding onto this promise allowed me to trust in my decision and resist the temptation to reach out to my ex. If he truly wanted to reconcile, I believed he would pursue me wholeheartedly. Until then, I needed to let go and move forward with my life.
Five Steps Towards Healing
Recently, I received messages from women who were struggling with the pain and loneliness of a breakup. One woman, despite the anguish she felt when her relationship ended, insisted on remaining friends with her ex. But maintaining a platonic relationship with someone you still have feelings for is rarely a healthy choice. It often leads to false hope and prevents true healing.
While every situation is unique, I want to caution you against keeping ties with a former romantic partner. Instead, consider these steps to help you move forward and embrace God’s greater plan for your life:
1. Seek Comfort in God’s Word
During the two years following my breakup, I grew immensely through studying the Scriptures. The pain in my heart directed me to the promises of infinite joy, strength, and hope found in the Bible. Allow God to use your pain as a catalyst for growth.
2. Find Support in Christian Community
After losing someone who was likely your closest companion, seek solace in the company of fellow believers. Surround yourself with friends who will listen to you and point you towards Christ. During my own journey, the friends I made in my campus ministry played a significant role in supporting me through this challenging time.
3. Serve Others
Redirect your focus from your own pain by actively searching for opportunities to serve. Look for ways to help in your church community, mentor someone younger, or participate in mission trips. Engaging in acts of service will invigorate you spiritually and emotionally, helping you to move forward.
4. Create Distance
If possible, create physical distance between yourself and your former partner. Avoid unnecessary encounters and resist the urge to engage in casual conversation. Sometimes, a change of scenery, like studying abroad or pursuing a new job, can provide the necessary space for healing.
5. Trust in God’s Plan
Remember that God is for you, not against you. He promises to bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted. As you fix your eyes on Jesus and trust in His ability to bring true satisfaction, the loneliness and pain will gradually subside.
Moving on after a breakup is undoubtedly challenging, but with time, self-reflection, and reliance on God’s promises, healing is possible. Trust that God has a greater plan for your future and that He will guide you towards authentic happiness.